"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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