dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
