he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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