just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
