guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
