May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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