I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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