went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
