Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
