I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i think i have two assholes
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
