Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
