Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
PANTIES FOUND
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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