I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize