Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
