last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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