So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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