textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize