I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
