I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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