He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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