if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
