Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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