I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
