her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
