I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
