the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
