I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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