Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize