I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
