He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
