Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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