Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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