went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize