you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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