She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
