Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
