I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
tell me about the eggs
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
