My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
