Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize