I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
