Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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