I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
