Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize