You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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