Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
