i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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