so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
