just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
