how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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