I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You are the jesus of drinking
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
