she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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