Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
