"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
