I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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