I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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