spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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