Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
