trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
