I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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