Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
