Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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