you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
