my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
