I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
