My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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