he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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