I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
