Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well I just put wine in my tea
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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