dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
