I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
