You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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