I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize