Buhtt sex?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
