Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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