Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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