and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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