is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize