Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
