so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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