one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
