since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
