we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
