i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You were trust falling into bushes
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
