wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
