On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
