Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
