My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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