Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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