You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
