You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
