no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
