After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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