why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
