Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
