I think I am morally bankrupt
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
