You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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