6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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