I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
