I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
