so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize