ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
there is glitter all over my balls
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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