I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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