ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
