Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
