just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
