I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
