How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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